![]() ![]() If they wanted to see mediocre time travel, they’d watch Loki. Libra: The stars want you to stop taking depression naps to skip through the day. It’s best to get a plan with more swipes than you think you need that way, you’ll provide a worthy monetary sacrifice to our corporate overlords, Chartwells. Virgo: A new semester is right around the corner, so it’s time you choose a meal plan. Sure, you may have wanted to be an astronaut since you were a kid, but you also wanted Xavier to win March Madness, so maybe keep things more realistic. Hiking is like walking, except only the worst parts. And if you don’t know what that means, then finagle yourself a dictionary.Ĭancer: Watch out! Your friends are going to invite you on a long, boring hike soon. Gemini: Finagle yourself a new pair of sunglasses. Swipe right on every person on Tinder, ESPECIALLY the ones with no pictures and weirdly vague bios like “hey.” Taurus: The stars forecast love in your future, so don’t take any chances. You want to show everyone on campus that you had fun in the sun, but you’re not a nerd that has to lather themselves in white goop first. Real smooth-brain move, posting about it, by the way.Īquarius: Summer’s almost over, so work on your sunburn. Still got FOMO? Well, now you’ve got bigger problems, livin’ on the run and all that. Triumphantly return to Instagram and post a picture of your prison gang, with the caption: “I was behind bars, but starting now I’m gonna be among the stars,” thus triggering your followers’ notification that you just posted for the first time in a while.
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